It was March 1993; The ‘Phalgun’ month. People of India are always upbeat around this time welcoming the arrival of spring season. The chill disappears with warmth tapping at our doors. Beautiful colored flowers and their sweet aroma had filled the air around me. Everything around was vibrant and colourful. Suddenly I saw red all over. I thought it was Holi. But I was wrong. Amidst the cries of people I realised that the red that had painted me was the blood of my people. It was a terror attack. Bonfires were lit that night and many other following nights. Sadly it was not the Holika Dehan !!
It is 2011 and after getting raped brutally & heartlessly by constant terror attacks I am exasperated now. I am tired of watching dead bodies that get laid on my streets every time an explosion occurs. I feel suffocated when I listen to the cries of children & their parents who lose each other every time an attack occurs. A morbid feeling envelopes me when I see old couples trying hard to meet their ends because they lost their son/daughter in one of the many attacks. I am filled with remorse every Rakshabandhan when I see the empty wrists of brothers who have lost their sisters. I feel helpless when I see people remembering their loved ones every year on their death anniversaries. I feel dejected when I see political parties playing politics over deaths also. I cannot handle the pain of losing my people anymore now.
They say my spirit is unmatched and my people are brave; who fight every time a blast occurs. But they don’t see the grief; the pain in our eyes. I am neither brave nor am I spirited; it’s just that I don’t have an option. My people board a local the very other day of the blast because if they don’t their family will die of hunger anyways. Kids go to schools because they have to learn. I don’t want candle light marches. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t want stupid tokenism. I want JUSTICE. I want SECURITY. I want ACTION. They talk of resilience and encourage us but I am fatigued after coping up always. I feel like a ball who is tired of “bouncing back” to normal. I fear I will burst soon. I fear one day the spirit, the resilience and the courage will vanish off with the black smoke that arises every time a bomb goes down my spine !!